Everything is personal. Nothing is business. The Godfather may have said it the other way round, but Michael did make everything personal – and thereby he conducted and went forth with his business. Which brings me to what I have been trying to say in these lines above – I cannot conduct my business anymore. And yes, as you could have made out by the opening lines, the reason is personal. But even then, the word personal does entail a lot of myriad stuff that goes along with the whole package – the word personal could be attributed to a mild thought, to a rash decision, to a feeling, to an enigma, to a very harsh jolt, to a state of mind – and then again, may be the whole thing is held together by a larger process, again something personal that makes all the other aspects hostile to foreign attacks. Where do we begin?

And even if we begin, there is a question of what is ethical in this whole matter that also creeps up. A personal process is indeed every bit as the name suggests, personal. And it will remain only to the person who feels it, who has to live with it, who has to bear the brunt of it – for a period of time which, even he or she does not know about. So do I.

And now let me tell you what I have wanted to for quite some time. I have been so washed away personally that I have had to look for solace in things that drain me completely. In such a situation, passions give way and the mental faculties go away into a period of intellectual hibernation. There is an aura around me that has made me completely redundant in the field that I specialised in. And in this case, the point why I am writing to everyone is that the diminished outbreak here will only lead to substandard intellectuality – which is a fallacy that cannot be borne.

I have tried and I have tried hard, but the ability to put pen to paper has now given way to some other kind of lost disability. I have tried my level best to make ends meet, but I have failed. And in this state of mind, I cannot continue writing here anymore. It will not be justice to the movies that I write about, nor to the people who take the time to read them. And if there has ever been an iota of truth in what I have always believed in, about the sanctity of the exposed roll, I cannot take the gamble to go on any further. I surrender!

This site is closed till further notice...

Signing off,

Subhojit Sanyal