Yawn - The Review of Farhan Akhtar's Don

A few friends of mine informed me of their intentions to go along and see Farhan Akhtar's latest feature, Don. Having nothing better to do, I decided to accompany them and see what this new, upgraded version was all about. After watching the first few shots, where the new Don (Shahrukh Khan) pics up a Motorolla and croaks into it, "DON", i realised that perhaps a better alternative to vile away my time would have been to go to the neighbourhood canal and watch lackadaizical cows exctrete, rather than move into this thirty rupee hall and slaughter my senses. I really don't know what proposed Akhtar to remake this classic and I think neither does he ... Was he on marijuana or something, when this wierd hallucination gripped his senses? And just because Daddy-dearest collaborated on the original screenplay, i guess it gives you the liberty to massacre it. So Akhtar promised us to give a modern, pepped up and dynamic representation of the Chandra Barot Don, which coincidently had all that this was promising to offer.

So, where did the director go wrong? There must be something really disastrous in it, to make the maker of fantastic movies like Dil Chahta Hain and Lakshya look small. Well, that too is his own doing, since it was his bright idea of signing up Shahrukh Khan for the role of the modern Don. Now modernity is a very abstract term, and that will become clear to you after you finish seeing the movie - i.e. if you live to tell the tale, like I sadly have - because then you shall be caught in this dilemna, as to which of the Dons' was more modern! Was Amitabh Bachchan more modern, or Shahrukh Khan more antique (and I mean it in the Stone Age sense of the word)! He doesn't have the elan, the voice, the movements, the grace - in short he is a terrible Don. Stick to being Rahul or Raj, Mr. Khan, that's the way we love you! (I am NOT talking for myself)

After that comes the epic song, 'Khaike Paan Banaras Wala' and after Kishore Kumar, comes Udit Narayan. Now this chap always has a paan in his mouth, when he's singing romantic number, but here, where the paan was not optional but compulsory, there he decides to go moralistic! (Luckily I wrote moralistic there in stead of moronistic.) Even if you appreciate three pennies worth of your movie, you'll cry when you see this debacle on screen! Lucifer help you people!

See, the list like this is mammoth - Arjun Rampal for Pran, Om Puri as a god-knows who, Kareena Kapoor as Helen, Farhan Akhtar for Chandra Barot, I could make a three volume epic here! But I shall refrain .... Rather, on the other hand, let me try to provide a little relief to the already tormented director. Yes, surprising as it is, Don has a few plus points too. Though they are majorly outnumbered as compared to the flaws, they are positives none the less .....

Priyanka Chopra - hot, sexy, wicked seductress, eyeball popping diva! The shot in her in the pink gown will remain with viewers till the day they die. Words can't describe her!

Boman Irani - Iftekaar saab must be smirking from up there in the sky as he sees Mr. Irani effortlessly slip into his shoes. DCP De Silva's character is given a new impetus and elan as Boman Irani transcends the time barrier and breathes a new vitality into one of the central characters in the movie! Way to go Mr. Irani, you are the best!!

Also, if one sees the way the movie has been shot, its true that it is no great work, but we shouldn't complain, as many hollywood flicks have been represented in the same, sleazy way! So if we don't make a face then, we shouldn't do the same for a director from India. We should leave these neo-colonist viewpoints out of the world of Indian cinema, but if initiated into the reels, we shouldn't smurk!

The Final Verdict - AVOID it like the PLAGUE!!!!